How much of me am I willing to reveal? How much do you want me to?

How scary IS this

With "is" stressed, this one IS defintely scary, more like, creepy.

For almost a decade now, I've been aware that I may truly have a "gift" of prophecy. I've learned to ignore the coincidences as I know I've wisely chosen to believe that we make or create our own destiny.

Then again, it truly IS hard to ignore horoscopes and astrological forecasts and interpretations especially if these conform to what and who you are and what happens to you.

A year ago, I got stuck in a terrible emotional turmoil and out of desperation, I sought the advice of an online astrologer named Sara Freder of sara-freder.com. As expected, and of course, to my dismay, her pieces of advice cost a lot. She gives free advice and forecast but only up to a certain extent so I chose not to pursue it anymore. To my amazement, even up to now, I still receive e-mails from her, e-mails that can't possibly be considered as spam mail as it is highly personalized.

Now if naivety is what this blog appears to be like, the coincidences I was talking about earlier are somewhat what her e-mails contain. Let me quote her latest letter to me:

Dear Maria,

 

From midnight
Monday, June 18, 2007 onwards,
you will know a tide of good fortune.

This river of luck will stay with you
over the next three months…

 

Yes, Maria, Monday, June 18, 2007 will be a very important date for you. At midnight exactly, a "magical" event will take place in your life…

The universe’s "cosmic" forces shall bring you three months of unprecedented good fortune.

For instance, in the coming weeks, Luck will enable very high potential earnings at betting games. Difficult relationship situations will find resolution! The projects you hold dear will at last become a reality, and many more beyond…

And all of this will start happening in the coming days…

In fact, it would be more accurate to say that the first manifestations of this period of intense luck have just started. However, the doors of communication with the forces of luck will be flung wide open at midnight on Monday, June 18, 2007. I know that this may seem hard to believe, but there is no doubt that Monday, June 18, 2007 is the date of the beginning of the coming together of all the things you hold dear.

I now need to tell you why you will know this period of unprecedented luck:

I am struck by one thing. You are among the people I consider sensitive to "invisible forces". Your unconscious is as if on the same "wavelength" as the energies around you!

It is my opinion that you, Maria, are a medium, and quite a powerful one, but that you are unaware of this. We will discuss this later as you will see how this relates to the "magical date".

I was also struck by another detail:

I am not quite sure how to put this, but I sense that you have an inner suffering. Your sensitive nature did not cope well with the pain that some people made you suffer.

You are a person with a pure heart and I know how difficult it must be for you to bear the incomprehension of others and their mocking attitude at your goodness.

Why am I saying all of this? Only because the time for change has arrived. You can turn the cards on your life: Monday, June 18, 2007 is the end of your worries and the realization of all of your hopes! How can I be so sure of this?

Earlier, I mentioned your intuition and sensitive nature as well as your latent gifts as a medium. These qualities predispose you to communication with beneficial forces and the forces of good fortune on the Monday, June 18, 2007. This night will be very special. I will explain this to you in detail so that you can have the certitude that a radiant future is opening its arms to you.

Monday, June 18, 2007 is a sacred date for you. This day will correspond to the day when the visible and material world is in harmony with the spiritual world. This will be the night when the spirits of Nature come into contact with those with a pure heart and who have prepared for their arrival. During this spiritual contact, spirits will flood the lives of these people with "magical" energy, thus enabling luck and good fortune if the people’s conduct is unselfishly motivated.

To determine who these people are, I consult the oracle’s tarot cards. This enables me to discern the future and predict the paths which lead to the success of the invisible forces with "magical " help of this special night.

I am sure of being right in saying that you have a pure heart. I know that your characteristic modesty, Maria prevents you from saying so, but I know that it is true. It is true just as is the feeling you have deep down to be able to "feel" "predict" the situations and people around you.

Yes, for you, Maria, Monday, June 18, 2007 will change your life forever. You will enter into a cycle of luck which will last three months. During these three months, you will be able to shape destiny and turn events around to suit your most ardent wishes. To do this, you need to prepare to receive the spiritual forces. This will be very easy for you Maria:

In several days, you will receive my personal communication. This will contain all the instructions you need to prepare for the magical date of Monday, June 18, 2007. You must be wondering of course what these special instructions that I will send you with your permission, are…

Notice that the last sentence is where the payment option comes in. But it really is of no matter to me as this e-mail struck me as true. It can be seen here that Sara mentioned that I'm a medium yet unaware of my powers. She also mentioned that there are some people who recently succeeded in hurting me despite my good intentions. And she further mentioned that I have an inner suffering.

To those who know me and what I'm going through, how scary/creepy IS this?!

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The 'heavy' on heavy weight

(This is, of course, not meant to be a medicine, psychology, or even a culture journal.)

I just finished reading and rereading an article in the "OK! Magazine" about curvaceous Hollywood celebrities fighting off the gaunt/skinny trend. I must have read it so voraciously I actually became already so numb to the insensitive comment of a former classmate-now-7-11-cashier I ran into.

Without so much as of a justification for my weight issue, just think of it this way, you're in the middle of having a bad day and just when you think you're already close to getting out of it and finishing it off with a late but refreshing lunch, by the frozen microwaveable food counter you hear your old friend greeting you in a rather loud voice (for all to hear) how much weight you've gained. So though your main reason for having a quick stop at a store is purely for survival reason, hindi ba nakakawala ng gana kumain?

And just how many instances have I come across what I call as injustice to large-size individuals (well, per basis on the size-zero obsession)? My favorite infamous scene was the time I was crossing a street to choose where I should board for my trip to Manila. I was still on the other side of the road when the barker with a  megaphone whose blaring voice could be heard two barangays away (I swear, his voice could be heard early in the morning at our subdivision which is two barangays away) called for my attention to encourage me to board the van for Cubao. "Mrs., mrs., sakay na po kayo sa van," was his cheerful call to which I remarked before boarding, quite obviously, the bus, not the van, "Ms. pa ako!"

I guess it really just boils down to one ish: people have to be extra careful at what they say. If they give such remarks or comments to extremely sensitive people even if they mean it in an innocent way may spell danger for them and for their targets. How many supermodels or wannabe-supermodels died of anorexia nervosa already due to their struggle to be "perfect" in the way society sees and accepts as "perfect"?

In my case, if one compares my "Rosas ng Santa Rosa" pic to how I look now, it's pretty much sincerely understandable for me why people would react the way my old classmate did. Sweet friends say I still look good and not alarming. But what most of these people do not know is the struggle I have to go through everyday in proving or at least explaining that I did not overeat. My case was the aftereffect of a medicine overdose a few years back that resulted to hormonal imbalance.

It just goes to show how people do not really want to be in a "heavy" situation whether or not they're guilty of overeating or they're simply genetically large on the tape measure. If prevention is better than cure, then careful respect is truly better than a wild and heavy assumption.

Knowledge in a Poor Man's Grave

When Dr. Jose Rizal wrote the poem "Por la Educacion Recibe Lustre la Patria" (Through Education the Country Receives Light), quoting Gregorio Zaide in the book "Jose Rizal - Life, Works and Writings", he believed in "the significant role which education plays in the progress and welfare of a nation".

Such was Rizal’s acknowledgement of the great value of knowledge gained through education that he wrote another poem "Alianza Intima Entre la Religion y la Buena Educacion" (Intimate Alliance Between Religion and Good Education).

This recognition was inculcated in his young mind through his mother. Doña Teodora was the first teacher of Rizal. She taught the young boy how to read and speak Latin and Spanish. She read to him stories and fables. One of these fables, the fable of the young moth, left a deep impression in Rizal’s mind that it later became prophetic of what was destined to come.

Ironically though, it was also Doña Teodora who opposed Rizal’s quest for higher education in the University of Sto. Tomas. She feared that if her son learned too much, like the men during their time - Dr. Antonio Ma. Regidor and Jose Ma. Basa, among others, who were put into exile - his life would be in great danger like the moth that lost its life because of the attraction the fire in the lamp brought.

Then again, in 1879, in the prize-winning poem "A La Juventud Filipina" (To The Filipino Youth), Rizal implored the youth to "rise from lethargy, to let his genius fly swifter than the wind and descend with art and science to break the chain that has long bound the poetic genius of the country".

Clearly, the many perils his knowledge brought did not deter him from seeking further education and later passing it on as moral aid to the embattled Filipinos of his time. He was to write years later that Father Burgos, one of the three GomBurZa martyrs of Cavite and mentor of his older and only brother Paciano, "awakened my intellect and made me understand goodness and justice". The martyr’s last words likewise made an imprint on his mind: "I have tried to pass on to you what I received from my teachers. Do the same for those who come after you."

His letter in 1891 to Father Vicente Garcia spoke of his disappointment of the Filipinos’ little progress in the three centuries of Hispanism. He told Garcia that this was attributed to the fact that most talented men in his time "died without bequeathing to us nothing more than the fame of their name"; that it was only them, as individuals, who progressed and improved and not the race that needed whatever talent they had when they were still alive.

But Rizal himself could not cast the blame solely on his fellow Filipinos for he had likewise witnessed and even experienced the many injustices and cruelties pride and knowledge could bring.

Furthermore, he knew that not all Filipinos were as knowledgeable of the law and therefore as courageous as he was when he reported to the Governor General the beating he got from a lieutenant of the Guardia Civil of whom he failed to acknowledge because it was dark. Not all Filipinos were as full of pride and confidence as he was when he triumphantly accepted his prize for having his prose entitled "El Consejo de los Dioses" (The Council of the Gods) surpass all entries despite the bitter objections of the best Spanish writers in Manila who also joined the literary contest of the Artistic-Literary Lyceum in 1880. Lastly, not all Filipinos were as dedicated as he was in devoting and consecrating his entire life for the cause of the Filipinos, to the point that nobody showed perceptible objection when he was executed in Bagumbayan.

Rizal knew his fellowmen feared for their lives. And he likewise could not blame them for being too protective of their family’s name. But he took these risks just to present to the world the many ills of the Filipino nation that no one dared to express. From the smallest of his own ways to the biggest of his contributions, he was never a failure in sharing his expertise.

He made good use of his time when he was put to exile in Dapitan. He introduced irrigation in the said place. He practiced medicine for free. And despite the natives’ objection of having their children taught by the infamous man, many still came to him to receive their share of knowledge.

I could go on and on with the many examples of Dr. Rizal’s generosity in sharing whatever advancement of thinking he gained through his quest for knowledge. However, I could never be too sure if he was being entirely negative when he described to Father Garcia the Filipinos’ apathy and fear for knowledge.

What I am most sure of, however, is that Rizal, a prophet that he also was, merely gave Filipinos a warning that Filipinos and all of their God-given skills could forever be wasted and submerged for posterity in a poor man’s grave if they would only live for their own individual advancement and progress.

(Inset: The author with, from left, her fave male UP Rizal Prof. Nilo S. Ocampo and her dad, Manila Bulletin Sr. Correspondent and Rizal "fanatic" Momoy Cardenas during her graduation day last year; This has been posted just in time for the Philippines' Independence Day Celeb.)

Half Empty or Half Full?

It really depends on the way we look at it.

Most of us encountered having science and philosophy teachers quizzing us on whether a glass half-filled with liquid is half empty or half full. Guess what? They never really answered the question as we ourselves never did really find out which should be the “correct” response. They just left us in our seats forever wondering if ever there was a norm that we could comfortably hold on to as something that we could definitely believe in because society says it’s rational and therefore, should never be debated on.

 

Though these things have always been in my subconscious, i.e. the rational relativity and subjectivity of everything, I have never really dwelled much on such ideas enough to make these the everyday unavoidable rice staple of my brain. One night, however, was different. In the middle of being crushed and pushed inside a jampacked bus whose conductor kept on yelling “Maluwag pa! Maluwag pa! (There’s still space! There’s still space!)”, I thought, “How simple could it be? Half empty? Half full? Let’s make an analogy!”

So there I was. Amidst risking the fact that I could embarrass myself by falling face down on the bus’ aisle, I whipped out my mobile phone and furiously sent text messages to friends regarding my “moment of enlightenment”.

Again. It really depends on the way we look at it.

Take the serving of rice being sold in various food establishments for example. Famous fast food chains (with KFC topping my list) that sell a serving of rice, which is usually perceived by everybody as amounting to a “cup”, actually sell a half worth of serving (meaning, half cup of rice) for almost double the price. “Jolly jeeps” in Makati City in the meantime, sell a fast food chain’s definition and description of a “serving of rice” for half its price.

Confused? Compare a certain fast food chain’s P10 worth of a serving of rice (which is actually only a half cup of rice) to a roadside eatery’s P5 full cup of rice. And to think the variety of rice served is more or less the same. I mean, come on, when we buy rice from a fast food chain, do we actually ask the lady at the counter what type of rice they serve and whether or not it is commensurate (Oh I love this word!) to the price? It certainly is the last thing we’re going to think about especially if all we want to do is get our lunchtime hunger over and done with. It’s the rule of economics talking especially when we decidedly risk a huge part of our salaries for a chance to eat at an expensive restaurant with us getting less than our money’s worth for our primary purpose which is to eat. Quality food? Sheesh. Crap. Who knows? Knowing how sneaky some businessmen could be, we never really could tell if we really do get our money’s worth. But we couldn’t care less. We are paying for the ambiance anyway.

How about the rules and regulations in the LRTs and MRTs? I am certainly one of those who practically glorifies the person who invented overhead transits. I most certainly am also one of those who thankfully never encountered being stuck in the middle of EDSA (think between Santolan-Ortigas) and being forced to leave the train and walk all the way back to the nearest station under the searing heat of the mid-day summer sun. But though I perfectly understand that there’s a perfectly valid reason behind the existence of rules, my sensible self just sometimes could not take that the words “railway”, “ridicule”, “rational” and “rules” all start in the letter R.

To state my point, take my gorgeously arranged colorful balloon bouquet I received from my boyfriend as a Valentine’s gift for example. These balloons are of not the ordinary round shape. The balloons I got were in the shapes of flowers and hearts. Upon reaching the Central LRT station as I have to take the train on my way home, the lady guard stopped me in my tracks and said I could not enter the station unless I remove the air out of the balloons I was holding. Knowing that I did certainly not look like a terrorist ready to use the balloons as a weapon of mass destruction and that for this particular reason the lady guard was just doing her job, I, like a retreating soldier who’s unwilling to surrender her dignity and pride just yet, painstakingly trudged instead what seemed like a mile towards the jeepney stop. Of course I was unwilling to remove the air from the balloons with the fun shapes. I, for one, don’t have an air pump at home. I’m not willing as well to abuse my poor lungs in bringing back the shape of my balloons. But seriously though, if such were the case everywhere, then the world might as well prohibit balloons and canned goods in the market if only to prevent terrorists from using these to blow up everybody. Then again, I’m a rational person and I definitely could understand the essence of rules.

Then there’s the lovebug and its Filipino creator that outsmarted the security firewalls that Pentagon was and still is boasting about. Virus creators for me are nothing but pathetic fools who, sooner or later, one way or another, would have to swallow an overdose of their own bitter pill as they watch their “high tech” gadgets succumb to their creations.

Also, how would I forget? The Meebo! Meebo.com plays host to a number of chat messengers such as YM (Yahoo Messenger) and MSN’s Windows Messenger (I think this is for Hotmail users, never tried it though.). This website enables users to chat without having to download first the messenger software. I got introduced to this website by the uber-sneaky superiors of mine who themselves say that “chatting” is prohibited in the office but just as well are often caught happily chatting away.

What’s more even more curious in the company I’m working for right now is the fact that the Chikka Messenger is not allowed despite us being responsible for Chikka Asia’s CMMI Level-5 certification. I once raised this issue to one of our consultants. I mentioned that since Chikka is an internet software that enables free sending of SMS, this should be allowed. This would cut the cost of having to call clients and colleagues for something that’s not really that important or urgent. And for the response? “Employees are not allowed usage as this (online “texting”) is gonna be the only thing they will be doing all day.” Okay, fair enough as a reason. But how come I see a number of computers with Chikka softwares successfully installed and up and running? Not that I’m sour graping…

And then there’s my source of inspiration: the bus conductor. My everyday commuting experience tells me that if it was not for the mandatory issuance of ticket to passengers, bus drivers and conductors, sans the pretending-to-be-asleep-passengers-just-to-escape-paying and the others who take the advantage of a “free” ride, could actually make a lot of money. Unlike ships and planes that have a minimum-maximum capacity for obvious safety purposes, buses and its drivers and conductors are almost always glad to welcome the harried passenger who’s more than willing to squeeze himself in if only to arrive to his destination on time even if there’s barely enough space to breathe or scratch one’s shin.

Notice how these conductors and drivers always aggressively say there’s still so much space on their buses? Beware. The naïve type would probably hop on and end up either with an actual sitting space (Good then!) or a space. That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. And even before the poor thing could strut her butt back to the bus door and hurl profanities to the “lying” drivers and conductors, she would suddenly find herself being pushed further back to the end of the bus with a company of fools like her who have no choice but to accept their miserable fate of coming from a tiring and stressful day at work wearing three-inch stilettos as the bus quickly rolls away from the bus stop and takes a sharp turn to the highway.

From all these points of analogy, I guess everything really boils down on how we treat and react on certain situations. If you can’t beat ‘em, might as well join ‘em, as they say. This is as equally as good in meaning as what our general manager once said, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”.

If going with the flow isn’t one’s thing, then albeit the risk of sounding like an activist or a feminist, do whatever you want, react however you desire. We can’t really please anybody or force anyone to be as pessimist or as optimist as we are about certain things or ideas. It is pretty much in the same way as not being able to force Allah’s worshippers to eat pig or convincing conservative Roman Catholic cardinals that since God gave us the ability to analyze ideas and the freedom to choose, then He’s more than welcome to be questioned regarding his so-called omni-present power.

If a full non-biased acceptance of differences of perspectives isn’t really going to be the “in” thing for the next thousand years, then the next best thing is to say that the water level in the glass has reached 50%.